I get it.
I understand why you want to leave this world when it feels like its pushing you out of it.
The pain you are experiencing is real and unescapable. It follows you wherever you go. No one else can see the battle you fight every single day. No one knows how hard you fight. I think you are brave to fight this hard.
But please, before you go, let me ask you something first:
How would you treat a small child sitting alone crying? Would you not stop to ask her if she was okay? Would you not console her and do your best to guide her back to safety?
“Despite what you may think or say about yourself, you are not worthless. You deserve to thrive and flourish in this world, whatever it is you are going through does not change that. It does not diminish that.”
Now, imagine that there is an innocent, naïve child alive inside of you. It’s the child you were when you first came into this world, the one full of hope and innocence and joy. And now that child is so scared, so alone and is dying, literally, for someone to help. If you would help a stranger, why can’t you help the child who lives inside of you?
Would you not take her to the doctor? Would you not drop everything and work your hardest to do whatever you could to save her?
Now do that to yourself. Turn all that concern and compassion and pull it inwards.
Despite what you may think or say about yourself, you are not worthless. You deserve to thrive and flourish in this world, just like everyone else. Everyone born deserves a chance to live their best life. Whatever it is you are going through does not change that. It does not diminish that.
As much as you may think there is no hope that things that can ever improve, I’m sorry to say but you are wrong. There are professionals whose life practice is about helping people who are suicidal. You just haven’t met the right ones yet. They have information, advice and scientifically proven techniques that can help you. There is much out there. Perhaps you have looked already but let me assure you there is so much more. There are literally millions of wellness centres, offering anything from various types of psychotherapies, science-based treatments, psychological astrology, crystal healing, reiki, aromatherapy and equine assisted therapy – just to name a few. Everyday there is something new. So many people linger in suicidal thoughts, it’s actually very common and also very treatable. You just need to find what works for you.
We all have voices inside our minds that guide our life. There are voices of gentleness and compassion, of self-doubt and criticism, of acceptance and patience, of revenge and jealousy, of joy and love, of frustration and anger. Whatever we give more attention to grows. For you, the only one you’re hearing is the one that is telling you to leave this world. It is a vengeful, cruel and uncompassionate voice. All that needs to die is that voice, not you.
“So many people linger in suicidal thoughts, it’s actually very common and also very treatable. There are literally millions of wellness centres, offering anything from various types of psychotherapies, science-based treatments, crystal healing, reiki, equine assisted therapy – just to name a few.”
What you aren’t hearing are all the other voices who have been silenced and squashed by the weight of this one. There are voices inside of you who are begging to be heard. These are the voices who want you to live. They are the ones who brought you here, reading this. They are the ones who will ultimately save your life.
Please see a doctor. Go on medication if that’s what it calls for, go to the therapy if that’s what they say. Follow through with the plan of the professionals, trust them. Find people that love and support to you and ask them for help. Look for an activity, a creative release, that helps you take all the thoughts in your head and pushes them outside of you. At least try it. Wouldn’t you rather try every single thing possible before you left this world? If you carry through with your plan you will not be alive to experience what relief is.
“The only voice you’re hearing right now is the one that is telling you to leave this world. It is a vengeful, cruel and uncompassionate voice. Don’t listen to it. All that needs to die is that voice, not you.”
I can’t tell you that everything will get better, because to be honest, I don’t know your situation. Life is hard for everyone. But I do know that right now is a good time to be alive. There is so much is happening in the world. We are entering an era of record-breaking transformation, unlike anything humanity has ever seen before. Don’t you want to be alive to see what happens next? Or at least to see how this generation fights climate change? Or how we will live co-exist with robots? Or what it would be like to visit Mars?
Maybe none of this appeals to you, maybe it’s all the very things you wish to leave behind. But we only get one chance at being alive in this human form we’re in right now. I want you to feel hope, because I know it’s there. Your story of survival can help so many others.
I can’t change your plan, all I can say is that you are loved more than you can imagine, you are enough, and if you decide to leave this world, you will be so incredibly missed.